I've been asking myself wat i reallie want in life these couple of days... sulking and brooding in a corner of my room here in the Grand canyon.
p.s. dats wat flunking a module did to me.

And I realised dat i reallie hafn't the faintest clue.

well u see... looking around me. All the singaporeans (cum malaysians and PRCs, since we all study in singapore) are working like dogs, taking 2nd jobs and working overtime to earn extra cash.

Its all so different from before we set off, wif promises of hafing fun and hiking and taking trips to other towns.

Its not dat i dun empathise that we could all do wif a lil extra cash ( imagins paying US$8 for a meal here). But everyone seems caught up wif earning more and more money.

Its kinda like a rat race. I dink singaporeans suffer from a need to compete and a serious bout of workaholism.

I feel it kinda started wif the the obscene amt of tips that bussers( ppl hu clear tables in the restuarants) here earn. sometimes $30 - $50 a day!
Ok... maybe i exagerate. but the tips easily come up to a sizable chunk of our avg pay.

so ppl as ppl always do.... tend to compare and contrast. And since it was our own suei luck dat we didn't fight for the busser job before we came. We work 2nd jobs instead.

Maybe I'm a tad jealous and i hope dat i dun sound harsh but i do wonder if life after graduation mimics this morbid rat race.

Which brings me back to my question:
wat exactly do i want in life?

bringing it parallel to my current circumstances... i wonder if i reallie wanna work from 5 till 10, jugglin 2 jobs just to earn some extra cash. Is dat wat i want?

Hafing flunked a module, i question my aptitude and attitude to my studies. Is filling ependorf tubes in a lab the career i truly desire.

HOw the hell does one actually noe wat he wants in life anyhow... there's a million and one things i could do or be....but as time slips away, i feel i'm losing each oppourtunity, and being left with one less choice or chance to try something dat i might reallie enjoy.

I do noe dat i quite enjoy languages.... the onli As i've scored in NTU so far, are all from prescribed electives hafing to do with communication and writing.

I've been sorely tempted to change course at times, but wat if u find out its not my cup of tea?
argh... i'm making excuses again... another one of my many short comings.

my minds been wondering from being an interpreter to cooking these past few days....
seeing as ppl could always use language interpeters, as i look at the myriad of tourist dat come to the park everyday, and the troubles we sometimes face.
and the cooking we've done here among singaporeans due to us missing our home cooked meals, has been suprisingly enjoyable and succcessful. We can make a mean hainanese chicken rice! ^^

I feel this post is getting me nowhere, but i feel so much better after all this ranting.

p.s. I've sent and apeal to review my flunked module, wish me luck that theres an improvement in the grade to a D. I reallie reallie dun wanna retake a module... i'm stugglin as it is already~

ok....time to dink positive and live for the present.
no point it lamenting the past and worrying about the future.
cuz if dink abt it, both don't reallie exist at all.

The past is part memories dat buildup to the present.
And the future but hope and worries dat fleet just beyond one's grasp.

wat's tangible and exists is: Now.